Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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