It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize