I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
