Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
where are my eyebrows?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
