Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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