haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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