You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
