So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize