Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
