Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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