and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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