Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
