Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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