Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
