I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
