Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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