I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize