im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize