Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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