next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
