Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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