Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize