one word: firstdatebathroomanal
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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