Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
