just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
