around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize