I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
