It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
