My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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