I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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