You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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