Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
