8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
