I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
