So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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