dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
