just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
