my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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