OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
