I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
North Korea, Best Korea!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
