Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
