hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
