We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
