Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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