sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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