This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
