You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
