and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize