come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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