Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
