I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
