HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
