Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
