Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
