You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize