You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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