I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
