So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
