I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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