Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
