I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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