how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
