How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
