If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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