I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
