I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
