there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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