she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
