my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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