spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
