I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
