I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
