So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
