Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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