P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
