i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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