I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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