you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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