he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
