you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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