i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
