i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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