if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
