I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
