ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
