ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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