Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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