You can't special order awesome
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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